I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize