What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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