Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
