If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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