i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I am available for nakedness
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
