i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
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