Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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