I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Swine flu is the new snow day.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize