Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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