the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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