sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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