Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
