I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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