sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
