I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
