They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
