is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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