I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
