Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize