On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
