i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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