You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
