the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
