I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i think my mom watched the whole time
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
