There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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