dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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