I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
