bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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