my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
