i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
