sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
