it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
