He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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