i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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