She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
