she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
