You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
