He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
