I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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