Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize