Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
