Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize