we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
