Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
