I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
