he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
