hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
