Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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