That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
