mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
