Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
