In the future we'll all be gay
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
