Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
