she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
