just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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