why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
