my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I could make wine with my vomit
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
