i just wanna soil my oats bro
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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