discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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