If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
