I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize