I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
