It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
