i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
