note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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