They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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