I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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