so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It's rum buckets o'clock
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
