theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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