I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
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