Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
