I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize